The Great Bookstore Window Caper
What Happened to the Windows?
As some may have noticed, our windows had a makeover recently! We asked our customers to tell us their interpretation of the story, and they did not disappoint! These are the creative and delightful ideas straight from the minds of local readers, enjoy! We would like to thank those who wrote stories or sent in artwork; your contributions are appreciated and incredibly creative. These were contributed by Bob, Sharon, and Wally and can be viewed at The Bookstore!
We had a Series of Unfortunate Events happen to our Wide Window.
Someone was absolutely dying to they the book they wanted, so they drove right through the window!
Someone thought plywood was a great look…
A tree fell in.
Someone threw a rock through the window.
Someone smashed a hammer against the glass.
Crack in the window made by a bird.
Can it be? How can it be? I’ve looked through your store window “after hours,” once you’d closed, and saw so clearly what I wanted to buy during my next visit…and now the old window is gone – but hopefully my visions (and visits) will continue!
Marguerite is trying to reclaim The Bookstore!
A bunch of spies came in and took them all away looking for knowledge on their enemy (or enemies).
Harry got upset with Dudley and made it disappear.
The Book Thief stole all the books in your window display/
It was broken by a cuckoo flying home and the window was in the way!
Stack of books fell through it – backwards.
General Sherman came to town.
A cat came and ate it ALL!
A pig knocked it out.
Karate Kid kicked it down.
The characters in the books planned an escape and breaking the window was their only way out.
Cause it was broken.
A little boy flew into the window with his jet pack on.
Sue got mad and punched it out.
Somewhere over the rainbow from the wizard of Oz.
Someone read the book 100 Ways to Use Bricks.
A car ran into them.
Melted by a laser from a passing UFO looking to access books to better understand humans and their culture.
The REAL scandal here is… that The Bookstore doesn’t know what happened to their window!
A unicorn crashed into it!
The Hogwarts students got out of England, landed in Glen Ellyn, and had a few wrong moves with their wands, unfortunately breaking the windows. Hence the need to replace them.
You wanted to scare us half to death.
It has to be Trump.
Someone huffed and puffed!
Maybe you decided print isn’t dead after all. It is actually thriving and with all that uplifted mood The Bookstore windows needed a makeover, something that will bring the brand forward.
Maybe hit by debris from the comet.
The Christmas readers read too long, fell asleep, and crashed into the windows.
Baseball through the window.
Someone threw a brick with a note in it requesting a certain book.
A car hit the window or someone sang too high.
Someone thought The Bookstore was a drive thru.
I think somehow a nuclear bomb was dropped right on the window.
Someone had a birthday cake, and the cake flew and broke the window.
Someone threw a book at the window because they were angry about the ending.
I think a dinosaur was wanting to learn to read and couldn’t fir through the door – so it came through the window!
A coyote ran through your window.
The two kind employees at The Bookstore had a secret to hide…little did they know the FPTF was onto them. The Forgery Prevention Task Force knew it was time to strike after witnessing 50 years of false books being printed in the press below the building. They came in hot, smashing the glass in to toss their concussive grenades to stun the storekeeps, but little did they know that they were prepared, waiting in the back. One came out slowly and managed to convince the FPTF with a little monetary good faith offering. Several million in cleaned fresh US dollars. The government took its time replacing the window after making sure nobody saw anything. Typical beaurocratic red tape nonsense. Oh…and the carpet? Don’t ask about the carpet.
In the dark night, an invisible space ship landed right on Main Street in front of the store. Out came a glowing figure with bright blue eyes. The being peered in Just The Bookstore’s windows and spotted a big red book on Alaska. He wanted so bad to go to Alaska. So he raised his glowing arms, stretched his glowing hands, and instantly the windows shattered and came along crashing down. He entered, grabbed the desired book on Alaska, and whisked away to his destination.
Once there was a person who saw their favorite book. They ran straight into the window. He was stuck! He pulled, he oulled, he pulled, and pulled! He never came out. He was there for days and days, finally the fire department came and got him unstuck. But his face was imprinted into the window. The Bookstore did not like a man’s face and mustache stuck in their window. So they replaced it.
Children ate pizza then smashed it in the window.
Some teenagers were riding their bikes and one was unbalanced and smashed into the window.
Somebody was chasing after their dog. And their dog smashed in the window and was licking everyone.
100 birds didn’t see the glass but saw birdseed, charged, and broke the windows.
Harry Potter was playing in his quidditch match, the golden snitch came into The Bookstore and Harry Potter crashed through the window and it broke into a million pieces.
I think that one day kids were walking down the street then they all saw a book they wanted and they ran to the window and they broke it.
So somebody finds a book that they couldn’t find anywhere else so they were jumping for joy and they accidentally threw the book in the window.
Once upon a time, there was a robber that loved books so much and she smashed the window to get inside and nobody ever found out that the window was smashed.
I was walking down the street and saw some guy bending over because he had a stomach ache, it was so bad it butt farted so hard that the windows shattered. After that day I never farted the same.
We also had quite a few entries that would’ve made Sherlock himself proud; not otherwordly, but rather, full of the most observant deductions known to man, and all from our very own community! We present:
I think that one of the windows cracked (or several windows) and they were already very dirty so they were planning to get new ones already so the new windows are yet to be revealed.
The windows have been sent out to be cleaned.
You are replacing the glass.
Needed new windows for heat control.
You are getting new windows because your old ones were cracking.
You just want to remodel and replace them, so they match the rest of the vendors on this street.
The Bookstore has a great selection of children’s books so I would always buy my grandkids' gifts there. It usually didn’t have the newest, or obscure, science fiction that I would be seeking for myself. But since the interdimensional portal opened the selection there has changed dramatically.
The missing window was the first clue. Witnesses reported an almost imperceivable rising tone, followed by shattering glass. Fortunately no one was struck by broken glass. When people in the book store finally looked away from where the window used to be they saw the portal. A glowing circle about five foot across. (Later measurements showed that it varied from 150.3 to 159.25 centimeters. No pattern could be determined in the variation.) It was in the middle of one of the bookshelves on a side wall of the store. And it went somewhere else.
I thought maybe the key to the opening the portal was a book on one of those now missing shelves. Maybe The Library at Mount Char, The Invisible Library, or one of the Thursday Next books. Apparently I was the only one to ask about the books on the shelves. The owner of the shop told me that she thought it was mostly the gardening section, with pieces of the humor section on one side and current events on the other.
Others have a theory that the key is the yarn store next door, called “String Theory”. It does shares the wall with The Bookstore. But there is no sign of the portal on the String Theory side of the wall, just racks of yarn. String Theory’s window was destroyed, but to my mind that just due to its proximity, not any connection to the portal itself. Those favoring the String Theory connection are known conspiracy nuts anyway.
So far the window has not been replaced. There is just a piece of plywood with a sign that says “Our window may be empty, but our shelves are full. New puzzles, bookmarks, cards, & BOOKS!” The books are not just new; they are books no other store has. Because they are coming from a book store in the alternate timeline on the other side of the portal. There are rumors that they have Wind of War by George R. Martin. But it said to be the fifth book of Songs of Ice and Fire. And their George seems to have never added the Richard. So I don’t expect it will resolve the cliffhangers we have in A Dance with Dragons in this timeline. But Philip K. Dick lived, and wrote to age 85 over there and his books just kept getting better and better, most notably The Father on the Wall.
So far we have kept the portal, and the alternate selections, a local secret. But that can’t last. The portal glows 24/7 so if they take down the plywood when they replace the glass it will light up Main Street all night. People are going to notice something like that.